I've Been Married 10 Years, and I Have Something to Admit
(It's hard for me to say.) Plus, TONS of writing resources!
(For writing news and resources, scroll down.)
Not to brag, but I have a great partner
Not long ago, my husband and I celebrated our 10-year anniversary, which is bananas. Marriage is hard work and compromise and sometimes your spouse annoys the crap out of you — all of that is true. But I know I lucked out. My husband is super-smart, crazy-fit, and one of the most loving people I’ve ever known. He also puts the kids to bed five nights a week which… every husband in America should do that, just saying.
Also very important: he is incredibly supportive of my writing career.
That doesn’t mean he reads everything I write, and, honestly, I wouldn’t want him to. But it does mean he listens to me talk about my writing (and my Substack newsletter). He tells me how proud he is of me. He encourages me to go to writing conferences and make time for my creative endeavours. He’s even helping me figure out how to start an LLC for when I launch my new podcast this summer.
Here’s the thing that feels awkward to admit…
He’s emotionally supportive of my writing, but, also, he supports my writing financially.
As a fiercely independent woman who paid for college and grad school on her own (paid off my student loans, too!) and was single until the age of 33, it pains me to admit this. But I think it’s important to be transparent.
For the first decade of my adult life, I worked full time. I even worked full-time while I was going to grad school. I know if I needed to, I could work full-time and still squeeze in some hours for my writing… but it would be a challenge (especially now that we have kids), and it would be a lot less hours than I currently devote to writing and writing-related activities.
These days I do flexible part-time work (which is very helpful as the mother of two young girls who seem to get sick every other week). I teach classes at the Writer’s Center, I make a dribble of money from Susbtack, I do query reviews and coaching. I also run a small summer camp and serve as a town councilor. But all these things don’t add up to a full-time salary, and there’s no health insurance. I get my insurance through my husband’s job. And we rely heavily on his income.
Which sometimes makes me feel guilty. I’m very privilaged to have so much time to devote to my writing.
Let’s say what often goes unsaid.
Recently I interviewed the incredible Emma Pattee, author of Tilt, for This Mama is Lit. (The episode isn’t out yet, but subscribe to the podcast so you won’t miss it.) She said people always ask how she managed to write a novel and work as a journalist with two young children.
“I like to say the unsaid thing,” she said. “I had the finances for full-time childcare.”
Americans don't want to talk about money, she said, because it makes us uncomfortable. It’s the old bootstraps mentality — we want to feel as if we’ve gotten to where we are with sheer grit and determination. But often people are able to make achievements, at least in part, because of money. Money and privilege.
So I’m going to say the unsaid thing, too: I’m able to devote good chunks of time to my writing because we can afford daycare, because I’m on my husband’s health insurance, because I’m lucky enough to have a spouse who supports my writing, both emotionally and financially.
The truth about hard work.
At a recent webinar, publishing guru
talked about how success in writing and publishing takes many, many years of hard work and persistence. And I LOVE the way she defined hard work:
I agree with this one hundred percent. But doing the hard work takes time, and time is money. Not to mention, writing conferences cost money. Submitting to literary journals costs money. Even getting a fellowship or scholarship or writing stipend takes time (which is money) to research opportunities and apply for them.
Right now I’m thinking of all those people who have no choice but to work full-time and put their writing on the back-burner. Or maybe they have two jobs. Or maybe they stay home with their young children because they can’t afford daycare. I’m thinking about the people who truly struggle to make time for their creative pursuits.
I know, when I finally publish a novel, it will be because of my many (many) years of hard work and persistence. But it will also be because of money and privilege. It will be because of my husband’s support— emotionally, yes, but, mainly, financially. That’s why I’ve decided… I’m dedicating my first novel to him.
Writing News and Resources:
For All Writers:
Check out this teaser video for my new podcast, launching in July, The Long Road to Publishing!
The FREE Novel Hustle Workshop (beta version) from author Patricia Marques is a 16-week writing program designed to help you draft your novel with structure and support. Best suited to writers working on commercial fiction like mystery, fantasy, romance, historical, or contemporary.) The course starts on June 28, and applications close on June 2.
I am LOVING this series from
exploring the three modes of publishing: 1. traditional publishing (big), 2. trad publishing (medium to small) and 3. self-publishing and hybrid.Check out these great event replays from The Manuscript Academy — for free!
Check out the latest issue of Literary Mama — and consider submitting your motherhood-related writing to the magazine! Also, Literary Mama is looking for a social media coordinator. Apply now to work with a great community of other creative and literary-minded moms!
Upcoming online event from the Good Story Company: Publishing Lunch with Author and Agent Kate McKean, June 2.
Paid, no-fee short story submission calls for May from Angelique Fawns.
The Writers Center website is a GREAT resource for finding grants, fellowships, residencies & retreats, publishers (who publish non-agented authors), and literary journal opportunities.
Writing Workshops offers lots of online classes in fiction, nonfiction, poetry, picture books, and the business of writing.
Check out the meet-up group called Shut Up & Write. There are in-person chapters all over the country, as well online events.
Looking for places to submit your writing? Check out NewPages and Sub Club.
For KidLit Writers:
FREE online workshop on May 22 from Mary Kole & Good Story Company: Writing Irresistible Picture Books.
The Highlights Foundation offers tons of programs, workshops, and events for children’s writers and illustrators.
The Times/Chicken House Children’s Fiction Competition is now open for unaccented and unpublished writers for a middle grade or Young Adult novel.
First prize is a worldwide publishing contract with Chicken House with a royalty advance of £10,000. Deadline: June 2.
Literary Rambles has information on kidlit agents and agent interviews. Plus contests and giveaways.
Here’s an incredible list of upcoming events for KidLit writers!
Check out SCBWI (The Society for Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators) for events, conferences, critique partners and more. (Picture book through YA.)
For Querying Writers:
Free online workshop from
: Writing an Irresistible Query on June 19.Here’s a list of small publishers that do not require agents.
Andrea Bartz has a list of successful query letters (including mine!).
I occasionally choose a subscriber for a FREE submission package critique. Send me your query and first two pages, and, if I chose your submission, I will send you feedback on both. Fill out the form here.
Writing Conferences & Events:
If you live in the DC area, check out the free Gaithersburg Book Festival, May 17!
The Women’s Fiction Virtual Summit is happening June 21-22.
Live in the mid-Atlantic region and looking for an affordable writing retreat? The Writer’s Retreat at Good Contrivance Farm north of Baltimore is open year-round. The only requirement for this peaceful retreat is that you use the time to work on your writing. Spaces normally book about two months in advance.
Thinking about going to a conference or applying for a residency? Check out the free searchable database on Poets & Writers.
The James River Writers Conference in Richmond, VA will be held Oct. 4 - 6.
The Writing Day Workshop “How to Get Published” Conferences are affordable and helpful. Plus, sign up for pitch sessions with agents for $29 a piece. For online conferences, attend from anywhere in the world! Check out the upcoming conferences:
Portland Writing Workshop: May 9 (in person)
Seattle Writing Workshop: May 10 (in person)
Cincinnati Writing Workshop: May 17 (in person)
Writing Workshop of Chicago: June 21 (in person)
I’m going to Bouchercon, the World Mystery Convention in New Orleans September 3-7! See you there?
Writers Digest offers loads of virtual conferences on a variety of publishing and writing craft topics.
For more writing conferences, check out this list or the free searchable database on Poets & Writers.
Yes. Me too. All this, from our marriage at age 33 onward through more years than yours. Always and forever grateful.
We have a similar dynamic in our home and I relate to a lot of what you write here.