*For Session 2, go here. For Session 3, go here.*
Lesson 1: Grammar and Punctuation
To get everyone on the same page, let’s review some basic rules. (These rules are for U.S. English. Other countries and other languages may have different conventions.)
Rule 1:
Use a comma inside the quotation mark and before the speaker tag. (A speaker tag is, for example, “she said,” or “he yelled.”)
Incorrect: “I love you.” she said.
Correct: “I love you,” she said.
Rule 2:
Speaker tags are part of the sentence and do not need to be capitalized (unless you’re using a proper name).
Incorrect: “What are you doing?” He asked.
Correct: “What are you doing?” he asked.
Correct: “What are you doing?” Ryan asked.
Rule 3:
Use commas to insert a speaker tag into the middle of a sentence of dialogue.
Incorrect: “As you may know” he said “I just got out of jail.”
Correct: “As you may know,” he said, “I just got out of jail.”
Rule 4:
Start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes.
Incorrect:
“I thought you liked steak,” Ron said. “Not the way you make it.” Leslie poked at her ribeye with a fork. “Bloody and raw. Did you even cook this?” Ron jerked his head towards the frying pan on the stove. “You know I did.”
Correct:
“I thought you liked steak,” Ron said.
“Not the way you cook it.” Leslie poked at her ribeye with a fork. “All bloody and raw. Did you even cook this?”
Ron jerked his head towards the frying pan on the stove. “You know I did.”
Rule 5:
Despite what you’ve read in other books, you really can’t laugh, snort, smile, breathe, or sneer your words. Thus, these types of actions cannot be speaker tags. They can be, however, an action that lets the reader know who is speaking. Simply put a period at the end of your dialogue and write the action as a separate sentence.
Incorrect: “That’s ridiculous,” she sneered.
Correct: “That’s ridiculous.” She sneered.
Rule 6:
When quoting within a line of dialogue, use a single set of quotation marks.
Incorrect: “My mom told me I was “way too young” to get my ears pierced,” Stacy said, rolling her eyes.
Correct: “My mom told me I was ‘way too young’ to get my ears pierced,” Stacy said, rolling her eyes.
P.S. In the example above, I might recommend cutting the speaker tag and just using the action: “My mom told me I was ‘way too young’ to get my ears pierced.” Stacy rolled her eyes. (I like to cut the speaker tag whenever possible.)
Special Note #1:
There are some authors, like Cormac McCarthy and Sally Rooney, who choose to defy convention by not using quotation marks around their lines of dialogue. For a less experienced writer, this would likely lead to problems with clarity, but Rooney and McCarthy are accomplished and award-winning writers, and it seems to work for them. See below the first page of Normal People by Sally Rooney.
In my opinion, this style works better for Rooney in her first person narrated novels because it gives the sense that all of the dialogue is being filtered through the lens of the narrator’s perceptions. I also thinks it works for her tonally. All of her novels, and the characters within them, have a sort of flat, affected tone (and I mean that in a good way — I absolutely love Rooney’s novels). Anyway, I have no idea if any of this was her intention. Maybe she just likes to be a rule-breaker.
My opinion: before you decide to emulate McCarthy or Rooney and discard the quotation marks, ask yourself why. If it’s just to be cool, better not. If you truly think it works for some particular reason, then… sure. Go for it. But make sure it’s always clear who is speaking and what is and is not spoken dialogue.
Special Note #2:
As I mentioned, the rules above are for U.S. English. Other countries may have other rules, and I’m not familiar enough to address those. At the end of the day, the most important thing is, again, clarity. That’s why these conventions are used: so that readers know when characters are speaking.
Lesson 2: Speaker Tags and Action
Don’t get too fancy with your speaker tags.
Best to stick to “said” and “asked.” Or, when it’s already clear who is speaking, leave off the speaker tag altogether. And, though it’s not wrong, I encourage you not to reverse the speaker tag:
DON’T: “I despise you,” said Bob
DO: “I despise you,” Bob said.
You can also use other speaker tags, but sparingly: yelled, screamed, wailed, cried, shouted, yelped, shrieked, whispered, hissed, mumbled, mutter, etc. Again… sparingly. You want to avoid sounding like you’re thumbing through the thesaurus for each of your speaker tags.
DON’T:
“What do you want?” she snapped.
“I think you know,” he snarled.
“Never!” she screamed. “I’m never giving you my son.”
“That’s the deal we made,” he hissed. “So pay up.”
“No!” she wailed. “I won’t do it!”
“You will do it, or I’ll make you,” he spat.
Avoid using adverbs with your speaker tags.
A few every now and then is okay, but you really want the dialogue to speak for itself. Better yet, you want the combination of dialogue, character action, and internal thought to speak for itself.
Cluttering your prose with lots of fancy speaker tags and adverbs is unnecessary if you’ve done a good job setting the scene and letting it play out through dialogue, action, and internal thought.
DON’T:
“I was told not to open the door for anyone,” she said suspiciously. “What do you want?”
“I’m just a poor old lady selling crunchy apples,” the woman said dejectedly. “But if you don’t want one…”
“Wait,” she said curiously. “Are they Honeycrisp?”
“Why? Is that your favorite?” the woman asked coyly.
Lesson 3: Clarity
As I mentioned above, at the end of the day it’s all about clarity. You really need very few speaker tags in a scene full of dialogue as long as it’s clear to the reader which character is speaking.
BAD EXAMPLE:
Here’s a bad example. See if you can figure out the problems, then see my explanations that follow.
“What I want more than anything else is a heart,” the Tin Man said.
Dorothy and the Scarecrow looked at each other then back at the Tin Man.
“A heart?”
Dorothy tried to imagine what it would be like to have no heart. “Yes, a heart,” the Tin Man said.
“You don’t have one?” The Tin Man shook his head.
Dorothy placed her hand against her chest. “I can understand. All I really want is a brain,” the Scarecrow said.
Why this is bad:
“What I want more than anything else is a heart,” the Tin Man said.
Dorothy and the Scarecrow looked at each other then back at the Tin Man.
“A heart?” [It’s unclear who is saying this, Dorothy or the Scarecrow.]
Dorothy tried to imagine what it would be like to have no heart. “Yes, a heart,” the Tin Man said. [Since this sentence began with Dorothy’s internal thought, the reader is expecting the dialogue that follows to be spoken by Dorothy. The dialogue should be in a new paragraph.]
“You don’t have one?” The Tin Man shook his head. [It’s unclear who is asking this question. Because an action from the Tin Man comes after the dialogue, the reader will expect the Tin Man to speak, though from context we know this is not him speaking.]
Dorothy placed her hand against her chest. “I can understand. All I really want is a brain,” the Scarecrow said. [Again, because the sentence begins with an action from Dorothy, the reader is expecting the dialogue that follows to be spoken by Dorothy. The dialogue should be in a new paragraph.]
GOOD EXAMPLE:
Read the following scene from my Pushcart Prize nominated short story, “Living Room” with my notes in bold.
That night, as Susan applied moisturizer to her face, she had an idea. She looked in her vanity mirror and saw Chip’s reflection in it. He lay propped up in bed behind her, wearing his glasses and working on a crossword puzzle.
“Hey, Honey?” she asked.
“Yeah?” [No speaker tag because it’s obvious Chip is speaking.]
“I was thinking about having a Christmas party this year.” She rubbed pink cream into the creases in her forehead, trying to smooth them away. [Action in place of a speaker tag.]
Chip looked up. “The Marshalls and the Donovans are already having parties.” [Action in place of a speaker tag.]
Susan didn’t mention that they were his friends, fellow professors, and that she never had any fun at their parties. “Maybe I’ll just have a little party for the girls at the shop.” [Internal thought in place of a speaker tag.]
Chip studied his puzzle. “That’s a nice idea.” [This action shows that Chip is distracted in his response. No need to use the adverb “distractedly.”]
“Although I guess we’ll have to call it a holiday party because Bethany’s Jewish.” [No speaker tag because it’s obvious Susan is speaking.]
“Is she one of the college girls?” Chip always pretended like he remembered Susan’s employees, but she knew he didn’t.
“No, she’s older,” Susan answered, twisting the black lid onto the night cream. “We could have a sit-down dinner and use the china.”
“For a party?”
“Isn’t that what it’s for?” [Sometimes you can let the dialogue speak for itself.]
Chip filled in a word on his crossword. After a moment he looked up. “When did you want to have it? I’m so busy the next few weeks.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it.” Susan tossed her hand in his direction like she was flicking away an insect. “It’ll just be a girl thing.”
As you can see, you need very few speaker tags as long as action, internal thought, and context make it obvious who is speaking.
Lesson 4: Write Like a Playwright
When writing a scene of dialogue, it can be helpful to write like a playwright, using the following steps:
Set the scene. Let the reader get a visual of where these characters are.
Give characters their lines. (Aka, write the dialogue.)
Give characters their motivations and subtext. What are they each trying to accomplish in this scene? What thoughts and emotions are bubbling under the surface? These can come out through their actions and through your POV-character’s internal thoughts.
Give characters their “blocking” and “stage business.” Will they walk across the room as they say a particular line? Will they play with the ring on their finger or pour themselves a glass of wine? Will they flop onto the couch? (Their actions should reveal their emotions.) How will they move about in the space, and what lines of dialogue will trigger certain actions and movements?
Exercise: Write Like a Playwright
Write a short scene of dialogue between two characters. Write the DIALOGUE ONLY. Like you are writing a scene in a play.
Write a short paragraph at the beginning to set the scene so we know where these characters are. Also, decide point-of-view for this scene. Will this be a first-person POV from one of the characters or a close third-person POV from one of the characters (so we get the internal thoughts of only that character). You can also choose a third-person POV where we get the internal thoughts of both characters (or neither).
Now, go back and insert character motivation, blocking, and stage business. Add characters’ actions and internal thoughts. Show and describe what they are doing in this scene and how they are moving around the “set.” For example, if they are in a car, describe how one character flips on the turn signal or slams on the brakes. Describe the other character adjusting the air conditioning or looking out the window. Use these actions to accompany lines of dialogue. Chose actions and business that reveal the emotions being stoked by the conversation.
Reread and polish the scene. Add any necessary speaker tags for clarity.
Dialogue Masterclass Session 1