Conferences Bring Out Insecure High School Feelings
Social class in publishing and TONS of writing-related resources!
*For writing links and resources, scroll down.*
Bouchercon: My first big writing conference in nearly a decade
Though I’ve gone to day-long writing events in my area, this is the first time in over nine years (because of COVID and kids) that I traveled to a big, multi-day writing conference. I went to Bouchercon, the World Mystery Convention, which was held this year in New Orleans, a city very close to my heart because I lived there from 2004 to 2010.
I’m so glad I went. It was jam-packed with great events, I got lots of free books, and I met some wonderful people (many of whom happen to be amazing authors). And I got to meet IRL a few of my past and future podcast guests:
K.T. Nguyen (who won the Anthony Award at the conference!) who I interviewed for This Mama is Lit!,
- , whose TMIL episode is releasing in December, and
- , whose episode for The Long Road to Publishing comes out in October.
Plus, I met some authors with fascinating publishing stories who I definitely want to interview for my podcast!!
I also had a chance to hang out with some New Orleans friends I hadn’t seen in way too long, and it was nice to catch up with them.
Overall, it was great, but the trip brought up some FEELINGS.
Bittersweet nostalgia feelings
Totally unrelated to the conference is the way I feel whenever I visit New Orleans. I lived there when I was in my twenties: a single party-girl, having lots of fun but also, secretly, feeling lonely and confused. When I walk around the city, it seems every bar, every block, every street corner holds a memory: good memories, fun memories, and maybe a few memories I’d rather not remember.
In New Orleans I’m haunted by the younger version of myself. I feel weird and achy at all the way I’ve gotten older and become someone different, while New Orleans still contains the ghost of who I once was.
(It’s a very haunted city, you know.)
I took time away from the conference to ride the streetcar uptown and walk by my old apartment, my old workplace. The neighborhood didn’t feel like home anymore, and that churned up strange feelings.
What didn’t make me feel strange, however, was seeing my old NOLA friends, who have settled down now, just like me, and I felt at home in their homes, chatting and meeting their kids and dogs.
Insecure feelings
Though I’m an introvert (and grow more introverted with each passing year), I’m a genuinely friendly and outgoing person, and I did just fine making friends at Bouchercon. I’m thrilled about all the people I met, and I hope we stay in touch.
And yet… there’s something about a conference that churns up my high-school-style anxieties and insecurities, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way. You enter the conference hotel, knowing no one. Everyone’s talking to other people, and you’re trying to figure out if you should walk up to a random group and attempt to join their conversation, or if you should stand there and hope someone talks to you, or if you should just go sit in a corner and pretend to be doing something on your phone. There’s a tiny part of you from high school, the insecure part that never quite faded, that worries: what if no one likes me?
There’s questions of who to sit with, who to eat meals with (awkwardly asking “does anyone want to get dinner?”), and, for me, the question of whether or not to get another drink when I know I shouldn’t.
Yes, the late nights of drinking I did in my twenties are over. These days, sadly, my body rejects alcohol. And I turn into a pumpkin after 10pm. As much as I’d LOVE to get another drink (getting another drink used to be part of my identity), as a forty-something with off-and-on insomnia issues, my limit now is usually one cocktail, and my bedtime is 10:30.
I’ve also come to realize that drinking used to give me energy for socializing. Now that I’m no longer fueled by alcohol, I still enjoy socializing, but my energy runs out faster, especially in large-group situations. (I’m much better one-on-one, which is why I love doing my podcast!)
So, yeah. One drink, preferably pre-dinner, or I’ll probably regret it. And that’s hard for me to accept about myself. I want to stay out drinking with the cool kids at the conference. But I cannot.
And since we’re mentioning meals and drinks… they’re expensive. Conference hotels are expensive. Travel is expensive. I’m a person who grew up without much money, so I often think about how cost prohibitive these conferences can be. I have more thoughts about privilege and the publishing industry, but I need to let them marinate before I say more. HOWEVER, my latest guest on The Long Road to Publishing had some things to say about social class issues in publishing, so check it out below!
One more thing about conferences
I worry people might think I’m being negative about writing conferences, so let me be clear: if you can afford it, they are usually worth it.
In nearly every interview I have done for The Long Road to Publishing, my guest has stressed the importance of finding community, and even though you can definitely find a writing community online, there’s something special about meeting people in person.
Part of the reason I felt insecure at Bouchercon was because I’m out of practice. It was my first big conference in nearly a decade! Of course I was rusty. I’m sure I’ll have more confidence next time. I’m already thinking about the next big conference I want to attend: ThrillerFest in NYC, May 2026. Everyone at Bouchercon told me I should go, and that they’d see me there. So, this time, when I walk into the hotel bar, I’ll actually know people.
And, after my one cocktail, I can always order a seltzer water. As long as I’m in bed by 10:30.
Actually, one MORE thing about conferences
I also realize I’m making it sound like conferences are all about drinking, and they definitely are not. You can absolutely go to a conference and meet people and learn things without stepping foot in a bar.
It’s just that alcohol brings up stuff for me because I’ve had to contend with the fact that something I used to really enjoy, something that was a big part of my life (in good ways and bad) and, dare I say, a part of my '“young and fun” identity, is something my body no longer allows me to do, and I’ve had to reckon with that in middle age. (See
’s post on her similar reckoning with red wine.)
Episode 6 with Lacey Dunham: Strategies & Debut Anxieties
I LOVE how vulnerable Lacey is in this episode! Her debut novel, The Belles, released TODAY, so we discuss the intense emotions and anxieties that are common to feel before your book releases (and why maybe all writers need a therapist).
Lacey also shares her intentional and highly-successful querying strategy, as well as what it was like getting into the publishing world having come from a rural, lower-class background. Find the episode at the link above, or wherever you get your podcasts!
Writing News & Resources:
For All Writers:
Registration closes TOMORROW (Sept. 10) for the Accountability Workshop Camp, happening in October in New Hampshire.
Looking for a writing mentor? The Round Table Writing Mentor program is open for applications from now until Sept. 22.
Register by November 2 for The Great Beta Reader Match-Up from
!- is starting a literary magazine on Substack, paying $200 per longform piece and $50 per flash!
I am going to print out this post from
because I love it that much: How to Age Without Enshittifying.The Book Pipeline Unpublished Contest is open until Sept. 25. Winners get circulation to publishers, agents, editors, producers, and other execs.
All-paying, no-fee submission calls from
Mysterious Murders Short Story Competition is now open — deadline Oct. 1!
Check out the upcoming workshops, Publishing Lunch Q&As, and other online events from Mary Kole & Good Story Company.
Paid calls for essay submissions from Open Secrets and Literary Liberation/Memoir Land.
Every week the London Writers' Salon publishes a fresh creative writing prompt.
Everyone is free to submit up to 500 words, in any genre, on the prompt. They award the winner a cash prize (£50 / $65) and publish our top 3 favorite entries.
Creative Parenting Club is actively looking for guest posts from parents juggling creative ambitions with family life and other responsibilities.
Check out these FREE event replays from The Manuscript Academy!
The Writer’s Center website is a GREAT resource for finding grants, fellowships, residencies & retreats, publishers (who publish non-agented authors), and literary journal opportunities.
Writing Workshops offers lots of online classes in fiction, nonfiction, poetry, picture books, and the business of writing.
Looking for places to submit your writing? Check out NewPages.
For KidLit Writers:
The Highlights Foundation offers tons of programs, workshops, and events for children’s writers and illustrators.
Literary Rambles has information on kidlit agents and agent interviews. Plus contests and giveaways.
Here’s an incredible list of upcoming events for KidLit writers!
Check out SCBWI (The Society for Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators) for events, conferences, critique partners and more. (Picture book through YA.)
For Querying Writers:
From now until Sept. 12, Heirloom Literary is open to queries from un-agented authors.
Literary agents seeking “Weird Girl Lit.”
Be sure to follow Writing Day Workshops on BlueSky for New Agent Alerts with new agents actively seeking submissions!
Upcoming Pitch Events where you can pitch to agents and editors:
#LatinxPitch (for kidlit): September 15
#PitchDis (an online pitch event for disabled, unagented authors): September 16-19
Bindery PitchFest: Oct. 20-22
Here’s a list of small publishers that do not require agents.
Andrea Bartz has a list of successful query letters (including mine!).
I occasionally choose a subscriber for a FREE submission package critique. Send me your query and first two pages, and, if I chose your submission, I will send you feedback. Fill out the form here.
Writing Conferences & Events:
Live in the mid-Atlantic region and looking for an affordable writing retreat? The Writer’s Retreat at Good Contrivance Farm north of Baltimore is open year-round. The only requirement is that you use the time to work on your writing. Spaces normally book about two months in advance.
Thinking about going to a conference or applying for a residency? Check out the free searchable database on Poets & Writers.
The James River Writers Conference in Richmond, VA will be held Oct. 4 - 6.
The Writing Day Workshop “How to Get Published” Conferences are affordable and helpful. Plus, sign up for pitch sessions with agents for $29 a piece. For online conferences, attend from anywhere in the world! Check out the upcoming conferences:
Writers Digest offers loads of virtual conferences on a variety of publishing and writing craft topics.
For more writing conferences, check out this list or the free searchable database on Poets & Writers.
100% agree writers conferences are wonderful. And exhausting. And wonderful. I always go with grand ambitions to attend as many talks as possible and usually wear myself out halfway through and crash in my room 😅
THE TITLE ALONE. Eva, we will chat one day about the first half-dozen times I went to AWP and cried every night in my hotel.