Are You a Writer Seeking Validation?
Do's and Don'ts for Social Media plus TONS of writing resources!
*For writing news and resources, scroll down*
Well, I DID say it was a time to make mistakes…
Last time I wrote about how, according to Instagram marketing expert Lara Ferrari, the best time to start finding an audience for your book is before there’s even a book. Lara recommends Instagram as a way to connect with future readers. I’ve never been a big fan of IG, but I decided to give her advice a try.
At first I thought I’d create posts with Beck lyrics (like this one) since I love Beck and so does a main character in the novel I’m revising. But then it was pointed out to me (and rightly so!) that I could get in trouble for this. After all, you can’t print song lyrics in a book without permission, right? In my limited Internet research, I can’t figure out exactly what is and isn’t legal on Instagram (seems to be murky waters), but I’d rather play it safe when it comes to copyright infringement.
So I’ve been trying other sorts of posts. Posts about what I write, posts about what I read. I made a somewhat embarrassing reel of me chair-dancing at my desk. I’m playing around in hopes that I will be better at Instagram when, one day, I have a book to market there. Now is the time to practice, and now is the time to make mistakes (although hopefully none that get me in legal trouble!)
Some important advice
Before I blab more about Instagram, let me give a few pieces of standard social media advice:
1. It should come second to your “real” writing.
I save social media stuff (and my substack content) for when I don’t have any brainpower left for fiction writing. Or, I do it when my kids are around. I can create an image in Canva and write an IG caption while listening to My Little Pony and getting interrupted every five minutes. The same cannot be said for writing a scene in my novel.
I always try to put my novel-writing first and do that when I’m fresh and undisturbed. Social media comes second.
2. If you’re not having fun, don’t do it.
The advice I always hear is to have fun with social media and that way you’ll stick with it. People say to chose one or two social media platforms that you enjoy. I realize I’m going against this since I already admitted to disliking Instagram. I LIKED Twitter and enjoyed using THAT platform, but… well, we all know what’s happening over there.
Anyway, recently I have been enjoying creating posts for Instagram. (I’m starting to think of Instagram post captions as mini blog posts, which is fun for me.)
So have fun! If it feels like a total chore, it’s probably best to put your energy towards your book or something else.
3. Engage with others
It’s called social media, so don’t only focus on your own posts. See what other people are posting and like/comment on their content. Become a part of a community on social media. I joined an author group on Instagram, and I’m actively searching for more author groups to join (know of any??)
4. Limit your time on social media
Most of us spend a little too much time scrolling and posting. Time that could be spent working on our manuscripts or reading actual books!
Along the same lines, try to stop obsessively checking your social media accounts, EVA. Yes, I’m talking to myself right now. How do you stop the obsessive checking of social media, especially after you just posted something?
My most popular post and WHY it was popular
Let me tell you about my most popular post on IG (so far) and WHY I think people liked it. (Keep in mind that “popular” for me means I got paltry 35 likes and 11 comments. I am NOT an Instagram influencer or social media guru. I’m just a writer trying to figure it out and find a balance between doing what I love and eventually making a living from it.)
Anyway, last week I saw that
was offering a workshop called The Art of Providing Value to Subscribers Instead of Seeking Validation in 4 Steps. This workshop (which is now over, but paid subscribers can watch the replay) is about writing for Substack, and I haven’t watched it because I’m not a paid subscriber, but that title stuck with me: the idea of Value Versus Validation.When we use social media as a way to market ourselves or build an audience that might one day read our book, we have to think about how to offer value to our followers instead of simply seeking validation for ourselves and our fragile writer egos.
By the way, I am one hundred percent guilty of craving validation. The other day, after I posted the video of me chair dancing, I checked Instagram an embarrassing number of times. Did people like the video? Did they think I was cute or clever or funny or awkward? I did NOT enjoy how much space these thoughts were taking up in my brain. And I realized the video wasn’t offering much value. It was mostly me seeking validation and hoping people would comment on how bouncy my hair looked (no one did, by the way).
On the other hand, last week I posted about the Edgar Allan Poe museum in Richmond, VA. Here’s what the caption said:
I went to the Edgar Allen Poe Museum the other day, and it was basically my favorite small museum ever. I read EVERY STICK OF INFO in the entire place, and I can honestly say I’ve never done that in any other museum.
I had no idea Poe’s life was SO fascinating, SO gothically romantic, and SO tragic. (Okay, I had a strong suspicion, but I didn’t know all the details.) I had no idea Poe wrote science fiction and a treatise on cosmological theory. And his DEATH. My god, his mysterious death is a fascinating detective story in itself.
Now I need to read more about Poe, and I’m going to start with Poe for Your Problems by @author_catherinebaabmuguira b/c I've had that on my reading list for a while. Then what else? What’s a fun-to-read Poe biography? What’s your favorite Poe poem or story?
I feel like this post offers a lot of value:
It tells readers things they might not know about a beloved author.
It suggests a museum they might want to visit and a book they might want to read.
It makes the curators of the Poe museum and author of Poe for Your Problems feel good and brings them some attention.
It engages the readers of the post, asking for their opinions and advice. It starts a conversation instead of begging for validation.
The struggle is real!
All that being said, if you struggle with the need for validation, that is totally understandable, and I am right there with you!
Until you’re under contract, writing a book is something most of us are not being asked or even encouraged to do. The motivation has to come from within, and then we start to wonder: Is my writing any good? Will this ever get published? If it does, will people like it?
And then the rejections! Oh, the rejections at every stage. Rejected by lit mags and agents and editors. It’s no wonder we’re out there on social media, seeking scraps of positive feedback. Being a writer is brutal on the old self esteem!
I’ve talked about this before, how being a writer means finding a balance between two paradoxical ideas:
You have to write for yourself, because you love it or feel called to do it. Likely no one is asking you to do this, and the manuscript you’re writing now may never get published or win awards or become a bestseller.
On the other hand, you’re not JUST writing for yourself. That’s what your diary is for. You’re writing to connect with people. To tell a story or share a point of view with others. Your writing should provide value to the readers you hope to have one day, whether that’s entertainment, education, or seeing the world in a new way.
So think about this when it comes to social media, too. Your posts should provide value: entertainment, education, a unique perspective, a way to connect and share with others. But also, don’t do it for the likes. Do it because it’s fun.
I will end by saying I am NOT an expert AT ALL. I welcome your comments and thoughts. Teach me, friends! I am ready to learn, listen, connect, and share!
Writing News & Resources
For All Writers:
The folks at Cheshire Novel Prize host a FREE group on their private app called Writers Space where you can talk about writing, ask for BETA readers, and connect with other writers.
Check out free events for writers, both on Zoom and in person, from The Writer’s Center, including a panel discussion on book publishing and an open mic night.
Ready to submit a story? Check out this list of 40 Free Writing Contests! And of course, check out
for submission calls from literary magazines and journals.Poets & Writers is offering Mapping the Maze, an online workshop for poets and writers of literary prose (fiction and narrative nonfiction) who have developed their craft and are ready to make a concrete plan for getting their work published. Begins September 12 for prose writers and November 3 or poets.
One Story opens for fiction submissions September 5th. They’re looking for stories that leave readers feeling satisfied and are strong enough to stand alone. The submission window will automatically close when they reach 3000 submissions.
Want to take your writing to the next level? The Good Story Company provides Story Mastermind, a small-group online workshop for serious writers. The five-month program for Novel and Picture Book writers starts in January, and applications are due by October 15.
Check out the Chestnut Review for stubborn artists. Their submissions are always open and they pay $120/piece. They promise to respond in 30 days, which is HUGE in the lit mag space. Free submissions in most genres and free issues online, plus paid feedback options. They also offer workshops and international retreats. Sounds pretty amazing to me.
I updated my list of writing and publishing resources — my very favorite books, websites, and podcasts and writing, publishing, and creative life.
Thinking about self-publishing? This detailed guide tells you all the steps you need to take: How to Self-Publish a Book: A Guide for Aspiring Authors.
For KidLit Writers:
Check out Literary Rambles for information on kidlit agents and agent interviews.
WriteMentor is offering a six-week course on writing rhyming picture books, starting September 12.
The Highlight's Foundation is offering the Whole Novel Workshop: a life-changing retreat with amazing faculty members for those with a full novel manuscript they want to workshop. In-person all genres November 5-10
From Bitsy Kemper’s blog: over 100 publishers accepting unsolicited picture book manuscripts. (Updated June 2023)
WowCon, WriteMentor’s annual online conference for writers of children’s fiction, will be held September 22-24.
Check out this incredible list of upcoming events for KidLit writers!
For Querying Writers:
No agent? No problem! On September 2-3, Tin House is accepting submissions of nature nonfiction writing (including memoirs and essay collections) from unagented authors.
The SmoochPit Mentorship program applications for all unagented romance authors (YA and adult) will be open from Sep 12th through Sep 19th. Must have a complete and unpublished romance novel manuscript.
Check out Literary Rambles for information on kidlit agents and agent interviews.
Here’s a query letter template from agent Samantha Wekstein and lots of querying advice from agent Eric Smith.
The submission window for #PitchMe, an exciting multi-faceted pitch event, opens Sept. 6.
Find a long list of example query letters on Quite the Query.
Every Friday, Operation Awesome offers one free query critique through their #QueryFriday contest.
Every month I will chose one subscriber for a FREE submission package critique. Send me your query letter and the first two pages of your manuscript, and, if you’re the winner of the month, I will send you back in-depth feedback on both. Interested in receiving a critique? Fill out the form here.
Twitter pitch contests (I refuse to call it “X”) continue to happen, and it certainly doesn’t hurt to try. After all, I found my agent through a Twitter pitch party. I am now an official success story. So mark your calendar for these upcoming Twitter pitch parties. And be sure to read my updated article 13 Things to Know About Twitter Pitch Events.
#LatinxPitch, Sept. 15, for Latinx writers of kidtlit.
Writing Conferences & Events:
The Writing Day Workshop “How to Get Published” Conferences will held both online and in person this year. I attended one of these conferences in person a few years ago, and I thought it was fantastic. I can’t vouch for the virtual version, but there are some benefits: recorded classes, no travel expenses, attend in your comfy pants. Plus, sign up for pitch sessions with agents for $29 a piece. Check out the upcoming conferences:
Portland Writing Workshop: October 14, 2023 (live and in-person)
Writers Digest offers loads of virtual conferences on a variety of publishing and writing craft topics.
WowCon, WriteMentor’s annual online conference for writers of children’s fiction will be held September 22-24.
The Hampton Roads Writers Conference will be held in Virginia Beach November 9-11. Their conference writing contest deadline is September 15!
AWP 2024 will be held in Kansas City February 7-10, and early bird registration and community scholarship applications are now open!
For more writing conferences, check out this list or this list of 19 Writing Conferences for Emerging and Established Writers.
Thanks Eva. Nice issue! Hope you are doing well.
Your generosity with resources is astounding! Thank you so much.
I also love this post. You have articulated much of my struggle with the socials. Thank you!